Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dignity is for republicans.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
