you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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