I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
