she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
