There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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