He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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