I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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