it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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