sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
