i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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