shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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