Your tits are I can't wait for
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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