...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
