Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
