Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
