Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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