How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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