Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
