i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
