so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
