Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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