Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
