And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
