here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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