Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Alive.
So much puke
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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