he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
