I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
