it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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