oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
