i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
