Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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