I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
