Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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