Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
