We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
