apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
