Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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