i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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