The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
