And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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