I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize
