then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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