I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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