so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
