He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
