In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
