He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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