My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
