Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
