I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
