Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
