You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
